Do we have higher values? Or are they closely held? What’s the difference? And what can you do with it?
Under the circumstances of a recent event this month (election!) I thought I’d ask you to try an experiment. I’d like you actually answer these questions: What’s important to you in clothing? What else? Come up with at least three things that are important to you about clothing–whether it’s color, or style, or comfort, or quality craftsmanship, or how it enhances your skin tone, or how it matches your lifestyle, or whatever, at least three things that are important. Since you all wear clothes (at least in MOST parts of the world), this is a pretty safe category to choose.
Now, take the first two items you picked on the list. Think of each one. Which one is more important, between the two? Take the
second and third items and do the same, please. You might need to do it a third time, or you might have already done so, but rank the three from most to least important.
Got it? Great. Now, here’s a real stumper of a question: How do you know which one is most important? When you represent the first one in your mind, you will have SOME way of distinguishing that one from the second. It’s called a submodality. Maybe the image of the first one is closer to you in your mind’s eye. Maybe it’s (and some people do this) higher up. Larger? Brighter? What’s the difference?
Then do that between numbers two and three. The differences in common between one over two and two over three are most likely how you unconsciously rank those three. I worked with a woman, years ago, who ranked her relationships, quite literally, in terms of closeness. The closer the mental image of the person was, the more affection she felt, and past a certain threshold, there was a sense of being SO close she could touch them.
So take a few minutes and figure out yours. Some very common ones for people are closeness (usually the closer the more important), height (the higher up the image, the more important), and sometimes it’ll go from left to right or vice versa.
All of us have some way of ranking value and importance and, without realizing it, that’s how we tell ourselves what is important. that subtle coding makes a real difference sometimes.
So how can you use this? Well, once you know your own personal codes, if there’s something you’d like to prioritize, you already know how! The kid that I mentioned working with so he could enjoy lifting weights, his code was height, so we made the image of him working out above the horizon. It was amazing how, just moving that image up a few feet in his mind’s eye made it seem like a dreamy ideal, a lofty goal he could strive towards. Adding in a girlfriend and that affirmation I mentioned made it all the more compelling for him.
Notice how even our language reflects this. Are our values high? or are they closely held? Believe it or not, they are one way with some and the other way with others. Learning how to recognize this can help shape the way you talk with a person, whether an employee or a customer. Politicians use the heck out of these kinds of principles, which is why you’ll hear them use some of those cliched terms such as “high values” or “closely held beliefs.”
If a customer holds his values close to him, then you talk in terms that reflects that sense of closeness with the things he finds important. Suddenly, you’re talking his language! As you all know, being able and WILLING to talk a customer’s language, to be able to speak directly to how he represents the world, will dramatically increase your sales skills. Knowing how to talk to an employee in terms that mean the most to him or her is ONE of the key components in leadership.
But start with yourself. Learn your own coding. Then, go find some friends and sit down with them and learn theirs. After a while, it will become easier and easier to recognize how all of us around how think of what’s most important to us.
If you’re having a hard time relating to people with maximal influence, please feel free to contact us at Bright Mind.
- Your Vision and Purpose Depends on Your Values – Do You Know Your Values? (innerwealth.me)
- Make Life Easier – Be Clear on Your Values (lifestylerefocus.wordpress.com)